...and for that, I apologize. I suck at life...I know. How long was I in Texas for? Um...not quite a month. I left on the 30th of May and I got back on Tuesday (June 20th). I wouldn't be up so early this morning if Symmie hadn't called me...but oh well. I got plenty of sleep last night. It was glorious. To start off, I will fill you in on the last couple of days...and then, I will go back and recap a couple of things that happened in Texas.
I left Texas on Monday night at 6:30 pm with Symmie, Symmie's mom (aka D), Drax, two dogs, and a friggin' snake. I forgot my fish that my mom bought me (which makes me a little sad) but now that I think about it...where the hell would I have put that thing? Phoenix (the car) was very much cramped. Symmie is moving back up to Idaho so we had the majority of their stuff crammed in everywhere it could fit. Awkward, yet fun at the same time. We were in San Antonio when we got a flat tire...yikes. All I have to say is thank God for the ghetto car jack *laughs*, Andrew and the two old guys that stopped to help. Joe had no idea that I was coming home (well, at least I didn't tell him). He thought I would be coming home within the next couple weeks...so I was bursting with this secret. I wanted to tell him SO bad...it's incredible. Anywho, we were on the road again...no mishaps a long the way. We reached HOME at 6:20 pm and I ran inside to surprise my Joe. The look on his face when I walked through the door was priceless. He was speechless for a few seconds and then, there was much rejoicing. Oy. Andrew was the only one who knew I was coming home and it was so hard to scheme behind Joe's back because that boy sure knows how to ruin Christmas. Or maybe, Andrew and I have to learn how to be better schemers. I said goodbye to Symmie, D, and Drax and they were off. And I kept repeating that "I'm home!" You have no idea how happy and excited I was to be back. My heart is still smiling. So...I've pretty much fallen back into the old routine. I have some cleaning to do this morning and then, job searching...but it feels so good to be back. I'M HOME!
Now...the hard part. Describing the things in Texas. To put it bluntly, there is an overwhelming number of stupid people in Canyon Lake. It's amazing that they still have an ability to function as a community. I encountered hateful, spiteful, rude, and unwelcoming people more than once and more often than I ever have in my life. It was pretty sad. My brother, Andrew was a complete jackass to me the entire time I was down there. He became the "baby" when I went to live in Colorado so I guess he felt threatened by my return. So, he treated me very unkindly and hardly even directed conversation at me. Instead, he would direct comments/questions about me to other people when I was standing there...it was kinda like I was invisible. His group of friends were pretty retarded...apparently, they are part of the "IT" crowd and I was invited to be part of it too. But I guess the price that you have to pay when you're a girl in this group is to be passed around so every guy can have a go with you. Great, huh? I guess they have nothing better to do than to pass around STDs. *shakes head* I've never been so insulted in my life. It was almost comical how the guys knew that I was already taken, yet they tried to convince me that "he'll never know" and that I could still sleep with them and they'd keep my secret. I guess they didn't realize that if I chose to sleep with them, even if Joe would never know, *I* would. And I couldn't live with that. I felt incredibly awkward around everyone in that group... I mean, they would drink and smoke pot and me? Ha. The "good" girl never drinks... so I would be sitting in the corner with a nonalcholic beverage and praying that I wouldn't be noticed. Talk about GOOD times...no, not really. Eventually, I stopped hanging out with them and avoided them at all costs...it was altogether pointless being around people who I hated anyways.
I found that even though they said that they were excited to have me down there, they weren't so much. Which kind of sucked. My mom and I spent some time together and I found that she's a great person. She is pretty much the glue that holds everyone and the world together. She left last Wednesday to visit my sister in Washington, and things went to crap almost instantly. But she's a good pretender...there are several lessons that I learned from her down there that I will never be able to forget or really talk about. My "stepdad" is a complete redneck and I don't care too much for him. He goes back on his word a lot...and I mean A LOT. I was able to witness how much he treats my mother like dirt, how much he doesn't really like any of my brothers, and how quickly he will turn on someone. I'm used to it...so it didn't really bug me nearly as much as it probably would have a long time ago. I didn't get to see much of Josh because he was only there for a couple of days before having to report back to his post. But he's decent (and that's saying a lot), even though he can be an ass at times and he treats Symmie and Drax like they don't matter. Lori is a whole rant and I don't want to get into it. Jared and Symmie are the two most real people in my family. They are straightforward and honest and exactly what I needed. If it weren't for them, or at least Symmie, I don't know what I would've done...
I went to Texas in search of some answers to my past. I found some of them...the others are probably never going to get answered...and you know what? That's okay. My trip didn't necessarily go the way that I had "planned" but I'm okay with that. I am back to where I belong. I belong with Joe. This is where I'm the happiest and my heart smiles the most. I'm a little disapointed with how things turned out...but that's the way things are and there is no changing them. At least I can't wonder "what if" anymore. And I can honestly thank God that I wasn't raised there...I just might have ended up like several people I met...and I'm perfectly happy with the person I am today. So yeah.
Alright. I think that's it. It's so good to be home. To be absolutely certain that the people I am surrounded by love me, amusing and annoying quirks and all. It's an incredible feeling. Believe me.
I'm out. Talk to ya'll later. Bye.
~ jenny ~
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