Well... today is the day. My bus leaves at 5:00 pm for Texas. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared out of my mind. Who wouldn't be? So many "what if's" are running through my head:
What if they don't like me?
What if they don't want me to stay?
What if they think they wasted money on the bus ticket?
What if...
I'm going to stop. I'm not going to think negatively anymore. It's no use. They love me and they want me there.
So, I said goodbye to my Joe this morning. *applauds* WE DIDN'T CRY!!! This visit is only for a month and I'm coming back. It's not like it's permanent. He isn't THAT lucky to get rid of me. He's pretty much stuck with me for a long while.
*sigh* I need to pack. Goo! I don't want to. I HATE PACKING. It sucks. But hey, tomorrow afternoon....guess where I'll be? TEXAS. And I can't pretend that I'm not happy about that...I'm very much excited. *happy dancing occurs now*
I better go. I'll update while I'm in Texas. I'll let you all know what's going on.
Take care and whatnot.
- jenny -
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I'm Grumpy...
Ever have one of those mornings where you just wake up in a bad mood. It doesn't happen to me that often...but I'm kinda fighting off the bad mood goobers. *SCREAMS*
~ jenny ~
~ jenny ~
I'm Grumpy...
Ever have one of those mornings where you just wake up in a bad mood. It doesn't happen to me that often...but I'm kinda fighting off the bad mood goobers. *SCREAMS*
~ jenny ~
~ jenny ~
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Total Difference
Today was very much uneventful...slow day...very slow. Pretty pointless, actually.
I'm more at peace with going to Texas. Joe and I've talked...I feel so much better about everything now. So...yeah. I'm just nervous about going...but I know that it's going to be a good thing. Yeah. So...I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to ya'll later. Have a great night.
~ jenny ~
I'm more at peace with going to Texas. Joe and I've talked...I feel so much better about everything now. So...yeah. I'm just nervous about going...but I know that it's going to be a good thing. Yeah. So...I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to ya'll later. Have a great night.
~ jenny ~
Friday, May 12, 2006
Joe...
Ask me to stay
tell me that I'm what you need
hold me back, I'm begging you.
You tell me
what you think I need to hear
never dreaming that all your words
are cutting me deeper.
Don't open the door
to push me through
I have no where, no one else to run to
hold me back, I'm begging you.
All that I want
is to know of your love
to know I'm the only one you think about
your words weigh more than you realize.
I'm close to walking
just to see if you'll follow
just so I know you'll hold me back
and that I don't have to beg you.
~ jenny ~
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
wow...
So...I'm sitting at Joe's. I just got off the phone with my awesome sister-in-law, Symmie. I can't wait to go to Texas and meet everyone. I get this big goofy grin on my face everytime I think about it. *smiles all big* I feel like I missed out on a lot of things...but that doesn't mean that I can't catch up, right? I just want to connect with them.
My paycheck still hasn't come yet and I'm hungry. I need food. I need to pay a stupid vet bill for Bo. Since Phillip screwed me over with that. Yeah, he bought weed with my $110. That's a whole hell of a lot of weed...at least, I think it is...I really don't know for sure. Oh god, I could've kicked the crap out of him when I found that out. But hey, if he needed pot that bad...I just won't talk to him anymore. Simple as that. It just sucks because now I have to come up with an additional $110. Where am I going to get that if my stupid paycheck doesn't come? Meh. I'll deal...I've scraped before...I'll do it again.
I don't really have all that much to say. I'm getting upset with the stupid internet. It sucks and it's slow. Hey, it's raining. Sweet! I should go find some food. I guess I'll update later. Talks later. Bye all.
~ jenny ~
My paycheck still hasn't come yet and I'm hungry. I need food. I need to pay a stupid vet bill for Bo. Since Phillip screwed me over with that. Yeah, he bought weed with my $110. That's a whole hell of a lot of weed...at least, I think it is...I really don't know for sure. Oh god, I could've kicked the crap out of him when I found that out. But hey, if he needed pot that bad...I just won't talk to him anymore. Simple as that. It just sucks because now I have to come up with an additional $110. Where am I going to get that if my stupid paycheck doesn't come? Meh. I'll deal...I've scraped before...I'll do it again.
I don't really have all that much to say. I'm getting upset with the stupid internet. It sucks and it's slow. Hey, it's raining. Sweet! I should go find some food. I guess I'll update later. Talks later. Bye all.
~ jenny ~
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Update of Jenny
I pretty much thought I would give up on this journal because...1) who really reads this thing? 2) if I really want the world to know what's going on in my life...I'll advertise it in some other way and 3) if I want my closest people to know what's going on in my life...then I'll tell them some other way other than via internet. But...I have a lot of thoughts...so I figured I'd type them all out as if the keyboard is my life and I'm able to beat the hell out of it. Nice, eh? Ha. Anyhow, I moved out of Andrew and Amy's back in March. It was the day after we got home from Arizona. I talked to my bio dad and stepmother and they wanted me to move in with them. So, I packed all my things (once again) and I left. Sadly, I haven't talked to Andrew and Amy since...things got a little hectic. What else? I guess I could go off on how much I really do hate my living situation right now.
My dad sucks. I find it hilarious how I haven't lived with him since being eight, and he automatically picks up where he left off. Um, yeah...I think we all know that I'm not a little girl anymore. It's ridiculous. About a week of living there, I got a job at Fat Albert's. Yippy friggin' skippy. I was a hostess and I guess it wasn't THAT bad...people sucked. And after seeing the kitchen, I will never, ever, under any circumstances, EVER eat at that restaurant again. Yeah, ugly place.
I also have a puppy now. AMAZING dog, let me tell you. I think he's a golden retriever, rottie, and chow mix. He's going on six months this month...and growing like a weed. His potty training is coming along...slowly, but surely. At least he's better than Dash was. *laughs at the memory* But he's cute and very energectic and keeps me busy. I also have another addition, her name is Lily and she's the same age as Bo. She's half pit and half heeler. Cute as a bug's ear, let me tell you what. But she comes in a little later in the story.
So...I found a place where I could live for $300 a month. I was going to live with an older lady who needed a roomate. However, circumstances did not allow it (my mother and bio father). Big surprise, eh? Anyways, I'm over being angry about that. So, I was stuck living with my dad still. It's not that I don't love my dad, don't get me wrong. But it's just the fact that I'm 19, and I'm mentally and emotionally more mature than he is. Which is very sad. He puts people on guilt trips and then, he projects his bad moods on other people. It's ridiculous. Yep. RIDICULOUS. And my stepmom just wants company, but I can't be around her all that much because I want to be around people who are more my age and more able to do active things. I do not like to go out to eat all the time. I do not like to clean a house that isn't my house to clean. You're talking to the girl who absolutely LOVES to clean...but honestly, that's pretty much all I'm used for there. That's all I've done when I'm home. I'm sick of doing that. And they don't have any dishware whatsoever. So, I pretty much have nothing to eat at that house. There's no food...so I eat probably about once a day if I'm lucky. But that's okay...I've had it a lot worse before...I'm tough and I'm handling things pretty well. Things could be worse...I could be somewhere else. But anyways...living with them sucks...and now I'm hardly home. It's also difficult because of Bo. The only reason I come home is because of Bo...but even then, Bo and I will leave ASAP. It's really sad when you can't stand being around the people who "care" about you. That's another thing, I hate having to call in and tell them that I'm not coming home or tell them who I'm with or tell them what I'm doing. There's really no point in doing that...really. Think about it: WHY do they want to know? It's not like I'm ever really included in their plans. They go out to eat all the damn time and leave me to fend for myself...so why should I tell them that I'm still alive?
Anyhow, I'm working at Lock/line now. It's been pretty good. I just got done with my two weeks of training and I'm be starting full time junk tomorrow. My first day off is on Wednesday. I'm also dating a coworker. Yikes, who could have seen that one coming? It was totally unexpected. I met Joe two weeks ago and we hit it off pretty well. If you heard him tell the story, I was giving him "the eye", which I wasn't. Honestly. *smiles* But we started talking, found out that we both had puppies around the same age, I got his number, and made plans for the weekend for a playdate for the kids. Yeah, I ended up calling him that night because I was lonely and I needed someone to hang out with. So, we met up at Glenmere and the puppies absolutely LOVED each other. Then, Thursday night, Joe and I watched a movie and talked and such. And Friday, we started "dating". So, it was totally unexpected, but it's good. He really is a good guy and I trust him. A lot. He makes me happy. So, we've been hanging out and our dogs continue to play...we've pretty much combined our ownership of those stinkin' dogs. They are a pain when they're together, seriously. It's cute to watch them play for about the first five minutes and then, it gets old, very fast.
Funny true story: Lily peed on Joe. Yeah, it was pretty comical, not gonna lie. Ask about it sometime.
Um...let's see. What else? Troy and Mike met Joe yesterday. That was fun. Not much to say there...they pretty much already know what happened and there's no point in retelling the story when they already know it.
Joe is pretty much my hero. He keeps me busy so I don't have to go home. And if I'm not with Joe, I escape to the skatepark...or go for very long walks...or hide in my closet and read. Yeah, I know "yippy friggin' skippy"...but when you have parents like mine...you'd hide in the closet too.
So, the other night...Joe took me to Hunan's for dinner. *sigh* Chinese food, yum. Anyways, the waitress was totally eyeing my man! Oh geez, that did not set well with me, that did not set well at all. Joe thought it was hilarious how I sat there glaring at the chick and was very testy with her. But seriously, who honestly has the nerve to hit on someone else's date? WHO DOES THAT?! Goo. I am not a jealous person...I'm not. I just don't like to share my boy with anyone...but I know that I don't have to...so I'm good.
And I talked to my bio mom the other night. Wow. Shocker of the week. It adds a lot of confusion and more hurt to my life...but I think it might work out. I know that she still thought of me...and I can't even begin to describe how much better I feel knowing that. There's still a lot of questions I have, but we'll get to those at some point.
Um...I can't think of anything else. I think the only thing that makes me miserable is home and the thought of it. But other than that, I'm fine. I'm happy. Things are looking up. I have a job, I'll have money, I have the two most beautiful dogs with the most amazing guy, I have awesome friends (even though I don't really see them ever, I still think about them all the time) I'm lucky. With the beginning of the year having such a crappy start...everything has begun to work out. I'll have a cheap car soon *crosses fingers* and I'll be able to go places. Yippy Skippy.
Anyways, I better run. I will update this a lot more. I promise. Alright, take care and have a great Sunday. I'm out.
~ jenny ~
My dad sucks. I find it hilarious how I haven't lived with him since being eight, and he automatically picks up where he left off. Um, yeah...I think we all know that I'm not a little girl anymore. It's ridiculous. About a week of living there, I got a job at Fat Albert's. Yippy friggin' skippy. I was a hostess and I guess it wasn't THAT bad...people sucked. And after seeing the kitchen, I will never, ever, under any circumstances, EVER eat at that restaurant again. Yeah, ugly place.
I also have a puppy now. AMAZING dog, let me tell you. I think he's a golden retriever, rottie, and chow mix. He's going on six months this month...and growing like a weed. His potty training is coming along...slowly, but surely. At least he's better than Dash was. *laughs at the memory* But he's cute and very energectic and keeps me busy. I also have another addition, her name is Lily and she's the same age as Bo. She's half pit and half heeler. Cute as a bug's ear, let me tell you what. But she comes in a little later in the story.
So...I found a place where I could live for $300 a month. I was going to live with an older lady who needed a roomate. However, circumstances did not allow it (my mother and bio father). Big surprise, eh? Anyways, I'm over being angry about that. So, I was stuck living with my dad still. It's not that I don't love my dad, don't get me wrong. But it's just the fact that I'm 19, and I'm mentally and emotionally more mature than he is. Which is very sad. He puts people on guilt trips and then, he projects his bad moods on other people. It's ridiculous. Yep. RIDICULOUS. And my stepmom just wants company, but I can't be around her all that much because I want to be around people who are more my age and more able to do active things. I do not like to go out to eat all the time. I do not like to clean a house that isn't my house to clean. You're talking to the girl who absolutely LOVES to clean...but honestly, that's pretty much all I'm used for there. That's all I've done when I'm home. I'm sick of doing that. And they don't have any dishware whatsoever. So, I pretty much have nothing to eat at that house. There's no food...so I eat probably about once a day if I'm lucky. But that's okay...I've had it a lot worse before...I'm tough and I'm handling things pretty well. Things could be worse...I could be somewhere else. But anyways...living with them sucks...and now I'm hardly home. It's also difficult because of Bo. The only reason I come home is because of Bo...but even then, Bo and I will leave ASAP. It's really sad when you can't stand being around the people who "care" about you. That's another thing, I hate having to call in and tell them that I'm not coming home or tell them who I'm with or tell them what I'm doing. There's really no point in doing that...really. Think about it: WHY do they want to know? It's not like I'm ever really included in their plans. They go out to eat all the damn time and leave me to fend for myself...so why should I tell them that I'm still alive?
Anyhow, I'm working at Lock/line now. It's been pretty good. I just got done with my two weeks of training and I'm be starting full time junk tomorrow. My first day off is on Wednesday. I'm also dating a coworker. Yikes, who could have seen that one coming? It was totally unexpected. I met Joe two weeks ago and we hit it off pretty well. If you heard him tell the story, I was giving him "the eye", which I wasn't. Honestly. *smiles* But we started talking, found out that we both had puppies around the same age, I got his number, and made plans for the weekend for a playdate for the kids. Yeah, I ended up calling him that night because I was lonely and I needed someone to hang out with. So, we met up at Glenmere and the puppies absolutely LOVED each other. Then, Thursday night, Joe and I watched a movie and talked and such. And Friday, we started "dating". So, it was totally unexpected, but it's good. He really is a good guy and I trust him. A lot. He makes me happy. So, we've been hanging out and our dogs continue to play...we've pretty much combined our ownership of those stinkin' dogs. They are a pain when they're together, seriously. It's cute to watch them play for about the first five minutes and then, it gets old, very fast.
Funny true story: Lily peed on Joe. Yeah, it was pretty comical, not gonna lie. Ask about it sometime.
Um...let's see. What else? Troy and Mike met Joe yesterday. That was fun. Not much to say there...they pretty much already know what happened and there's no point in retelling the story when they already know it.
Joe is pretty much my hero. He keeps me busy so I don't have to go home. And if I'm not with Joe, I escape to the skatepark...or go for very long walks...or hide in my closet and read. Yeah, I know "yippy friggin' skippy"...but when you have parents like mine...you'd hide in the closet too.
So, the other night...Joe took me to Hunan's for dinner. *sigh* Chinese food, yum. Anyways, the waitress was totally eyeing my man! Oh geez, that did not set well with me, that did not set well at all. Joe thought it was hilarious how I sat there glaring at the chick and was very testy with her. But seriously, who honestly has the nerve to hit on someone else's date? WHO DOES THAT?! Goo. I am not a jealous person...I'm not. I just don't like to share my boy with anyone...but I know that I don't have to...so I'm good.
And I talked to my bio mom the other night. Wow. Shocker of the week. It adds a lot of confusion and more hurt to my life...but I think it might work out. I know that she still thought of me...and I can't even begin to describe how much better I feel knowing that. There's still a lot of questions I have, but we'll get to those at some point.
Um...I can't think of anything else. I think the only thing that makes me miserable is home and the thought of it. But other than that, I'm fine. I'm happy. Things are looking up. I have a job, I'll have money, I have the two most beautiful dogs with the most amazing guy, I have awesome friends (even though I don't really see them ever, I still think about them all the time) I'm lucky. With the beginning of the year having such a crappy start...everything has begun to work out. I'll have a cheap car soon *crosses fingers* and I'll be able to go places. Yippy Skippy.
Anyways, I better run. I will update this a lot more. I promise. Alright, take care and have a great Sunday. I'm out.
~ jenny ~
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